My Blog
An insight into my everyday crazy life!
My blog
Hello my lifestyle fam, your girl is back with a blog... I know it’s been a long time but I felt compelled to share. Naturally it’s 12:30am, for those who have read my posts before, you’ll know this is actually an early time for me to write a blog. I just finished reading a post I wrote 2 years ago, it says within the post: “You keep waking up, hoping for sun, when all you get is rain” Essentially the post was intended for anyone going through a rough patch, for those who felt helpless and alone. However it was also written by me, to myself! For quite a while there I was stuck in a bit of a dark place and it felt like it was just never going to end. All those quotes that talk about you can’t have a rainbow without the rain, or be strong now it will get better it’s stormy now but can’t rain forever. Etc. I really didn’t believe them because I felt like I was drowning and that nothing could save me, I had NO HOPE! I was desperate, I was suicidal, I was overwhelmed and couldn’t care less about myself. I gained weight (a lot), I stopped brushing my hair and my teeth, I was biting my nails, sleeping from 3-4-5am until 12-1-2pm, I was constantly sick, I wouldn’t go a day where I didn’t cry at least once. I would cry in the shower because then nobody would know, I would cry into my pillow so nobody could hear my sobs, I would cry quickly and briefly in a quite space somewhere, anywhere, to relieve some of the over whelming emotions I felt so I could get through whatever I was doing. The ONLY solace and peace I got at all, was the time spent with people I cared about, despite constantly fearing they pitied me and didn’t really want to be my friends (side note: I might write about my journey on accepting love from others). Nobody knew, NOBODY! In fact I think even the people who were aware of some of the problems I had and have been through probably still weren’t aware of the extent. Please don’t feel bad or sorry for me and don’t be angry that I didn’t share, I didn’t want to burden you with how I felt because I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone ever. Feeling worthless, not just crap or useless, I mean feeling like you literally don’t matter and the world would be better off without you, is one of the most soul crushing feelings. (Not gunna cry... not gunna cry) It has taken... a very long and difficult process. At one point I lost EVERYTHING in my life, my job, my best friend, my house, my will. I started my life over from scratch and have had to somewhat redo that again. I lost everything but I gained so much more from that experience. With every day, I had to pull myself out of bed. Knowing I had someone who cared about me and people around me who tried to help me is something I have always been grateful for and their patience and acceptance is a gift to me that I will never be able to repay (you know who you are). With every new friend, every new experience and adventure came a new spark in my soul. I met new people, I started university, which is something I NEVER thought I’d do. I started working again and although the few years of rebuilding have been long and rough at times, I’m FINALLY at a place in my life where it no longer rains everyday. Where the sun rises and it’s glow warms the bright fire of my soul. I consider myself now to be a very blessed person! So just know that what you are going through right now, I understand it may feel endless and without point. But one day you ARE going to get THROUGH it and you WILL wake up and feel that glowing sun. Spread nothing but love!!! ❤️🔥 Aimee Lee XOXO THE SUN WILL RISE!
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
My blog
Scroll down and hear about my stories and my thoughts on everyday life Archives
October 2017
Categories
|