Hello my lifestyle fam, your girl is back with a blog... I know it’s been a long time but I felt compelled to share. Naturally it’s 12:30am, for those who have read my posts before, you’ll know this is actually an early time for me to write a blog.

I just finished reading a post I wrote 2 years ago, it says within the post: “You keep waking up, hoping for sun, when all you get is rain”

Essentially the post was intended for anyone going through a rough patch, for those who felt helpless and alone. However it was also written by me, to myself! For quite a while there I was stuck in a bit of a dark place and it felt like it was just never going to end. All those quotes that talk about you can’t have a rainbow without the rain, or be strong now it will get better it’s stormy now but can’t rain forever. Etc. I really didn’t believe them because I felt like I was drowning and that nothing could save me, I had NO HOPE! I was desperate, I was suicidal, I was overwhelmed and couldn’t care less about myself. I gained weight (a lot), I stopped brushing my hair and my teeth, I was biting my nails, sleeping from 3-4-5am until 12-1-2pm, I was constantly sick, I wouldn’t go a day where I didn’t cry at least once. I would cry in the shower because then nobody would know, I would cry into my pillow so nobody could hear my sobs, I would cry quickly and briefly in a quite space somewhere, anywhere, to relieve some of the over whelming emotions I felt so I could get through whatever I was doing. The ONLY solace and peace I got at all, was the time spent with people I cared about, despite constantly fearing they pitied me and didn’t really want to be my friends (side note: I might write about my journey on accepting love from others).

Nobody knew, NOBODY! In fact I think even the people who were aware of some of the problems I had and have been through probably still weren’t aware of the extent. Please don’t feel bad or sorry for me and don’t be angry that I didn’t share, I didn’t want to burden you with how I felt because I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone ever.

Feeling worthless, not just crap or useless, I mean feeling like you literally don’t matter and the world would be better off without you, is one of the most soul crushing feelings. (Not gunna cry... not gunna cry)

It has taken... a very long and difficult process. At one point I lost EVERYTHING in my life, my job, my best friend, my house, my will. I started my life over from scratch and have had to somewhat redo that again. I lost everything but I gained so much more from that experience. With every day, I had to pull myself out of bed. Knowing I had someone who cared about me and people around me who tried to help me is something I have always been grateful for and their patience and acceptance is a gift to me that I will never be able to repay (you know who you are).

With every new friend, every new experience and adventure came a new spark in my soul. I met new people, I started university, which is something I NEVER thought I’d do. I started working again and although the few years of rebuilding have been long and rough at times, I’m FINALLY at a place in my life where it no longer rains everyday. Where the sun rises and it’s glow warms the bright fire of my soul.

I consider myself now to be a very blessed person!

So just know that what you are going through right now, I understand it may feel endless and without point. But one day you ARE going to get THROUGH it and you WILL wake up and feel that glowing sun.

Spread nothing but love!!! ❤️🔥

Aimee Lee XOXO

Its been a while I know and for that I am once again sorry but I can not remain quiet anymore.

I wanted to write this blog a long time ago but I haven’t felt like I was able to for a few reasons, but since hearing the story of a young woman’s life cut short... apologies I meant to say ANOTHER woman’s life cut short, I’ve had her name on my mind for days now and it has really prompted me to speak up.

I’m very opinionated and firm in most of my beliefs but always 110% open to hearing other peoples. I’m all for fairness and equality, I believe everyone has the right to love, be loved and to live their life happy and safe. I’m strongly against the death penalty because I don’t believe in blood for blood/life for life and yes I am one of those people who is not entirely sold on ALL vaccinations. But that that’s not really my point right now.

I also know that both men and woman can be raped, beaten, attacked, bullied, abused and much more. Both men and woman can be a victim just as easily they can be perpetrators too. I know many men are raped by woman and men just as much as woman are raped by other woman and men. These are not uncommon statistics, we know they are true.

However, in the general scheme of life woman are undeniably considered inferior to men. In fact for a very long time we were thought so little of that we were only good for child bearing and child raising, cleaning, cooking, first aid and satisfying our husbands. That’s it!

But do you ever wonder how much that has really changed? Let me give you a really quick rundown of the top 10 female dominated industries and see if you can notice similarities...

• Childcare - 94% female
• Home health care - 89% female
• Social services - 85% female
• Veterinarian services - 81% female
• Library and archivists - 76% female
• Teachers and education - 75% female
• Accountants - 59% female
• Legal services - 54% female
• Employment services - 53% female
• Leisure and hospitality - 51% female

So basically, the top female dominated careers include, caring for children, elderly, the hurt, and animals, educating, cooking and leisure.

Hmmm doesn’t sound so different does it?

Now, it makes you wonder why males (not all of them but some), still see females as people who should be caring for and pleasing men. It’s no wonder no means yes, maybe means yes and whatever means yes too.

Eurydice Dixon was 22, Qi Yu was 28, Jill Meagher was 29, Michelle Pogmore was 13, Maria Korp was 50, Darcy Freeman was 4, Rebecca Wild was 16, Jessie Fullerton was 22, Karly Pearce-Stevenson was 20 and her daughter Khandalyce was 2. Just a small handful of the endless number of woman who were attacked, raped and or killed by strange men or people they loved like partners and fathers over the last 10 years at least. 4 our of the small list of females I just listed, were far to young to protect themselves, or to be responsible for their own safety. Darcy’s father threw her off a bridge and she drowned. Jessie Fullerton was only trying to save Rebecca. Eurydice’s and Jill where entertainers and only minutes from being home!

So telling woman everywhere to “be careful” and “take responsibility for your own safety” is the biggest load of shit, because half of us are to young to do so and majority of the rest already do that. Eurydice’s did that, she txted her partner, she seemingly stuck to well lit streets and thought an open field would give her view of any danger. She was probably looking around every now and then to, as nearly all woman do. There is only so much we can do ourselves. We can take self defence classes, we can teach our girls to take care, we can carry perfume and keys around to make sure we have a weapon and we can call our friends or family to stay connected.

But NONE OF THIS, none of it will stop a man from knocking us over the head from behind, pinning us down, raping us, stabbing us, shooting us, strangling us.

You don’t know the real fear women experience until you’ve experienced it yourself. Many woman take all these precautions just from hearing stories like Eurydice’s, Jill’s and many more. We do these things as a initial line of defence. But until you’ve had to come face to face with someone who wants to do you harm, you just can’t comprehend how vastly different it becomes.

You go from worried and cautious, just making sure and playing it safe. To looking over your shoulder every 2 seconds despite knowing that nobody was there LITERALLY a moment ago, anxiety... CRIPPLING anxiety, to go anywhere near or remotely close to where IT happened. You carry more than keys, you never EVER risk having headphones in and you always call someone regardless. Your actions no longer are those of a cautious person who sometimes feels uneasy, they become actions of a scared and helpless victim.

But you know what I say to that? I am fucking sick of feeling like the victim, I’m sure every other woman is to. We should NOT have to be afraid of the shadow approaching from behind only to realise its a late night runner or just someone walking their dog. We should not have to do a double take of an object in the distance second guessing if it’s a person or an just a bin or bush. We should feel comfortable to walk home in gorgeous and revealing dresses because we are confident and empowered woman, without the fear some guy seeing us as a free for all. We shouldn’t have to be so scared to live life.

I know the pain myself because I too have found myself frozen still in fear, having to come face to face with someone who means to harm me, again and again and again. Despite knowing in my mind that he is not actually there, but one bad experience turned into an endless loop of a scary movies that I couldn’t turn off.


I will not go into detail because it is not just my story to tell, but I will tell you this. I do not know his name, I did not see his face and I don’t know where he lives or where he came from because he was 16. But he definitely saw!

I will leave you with this thought...
Woman are already doing everything and more than what they should, to protect themselves so we need to start looking more at the perpetrators and less at the victims.

Teach your kids to be safe, he’s definitely, teach your girls and boys that their body is theirs and nobody else’s. Teach them all those things, but teach them to be strong and assertive, not passive and scared. DO NOT let your sons grow up seeing woman as objects, being disrespectful to ANYONE, hitting or abusing or bullying anyone. There are numerous signs as a child grows up that suggests they may not exactly have the best intentions toward woman. Even more when they are men. So how about we start teaching boys and girls that NO means ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT!

Because I for one am so sick and tired of the world blaming woman for the action of sick and twisted men.

Aimee lee xoxo

Happy Halloween, Merry Christmas, Happy new year, Happy Australia Day and HELLO!

I’m sorry I’ve been inactive the past month or two. I’ve been really focused on creating some video content for you and I will have more up soon once my phone starts working a bit better.

Today, and by today I mean 2 weeks ago because it will take me that long to finally finish this blog haha, I wanted to share my thoughts with you and as per usual I know what you’re thinking... what exactly are you doing at this very moment? Glad you asked. Appropriately so, I’m eating a reheated double cheese burger from an incorrectly delivered Uber eats order. With a large lemonade and dash of vodka! Hahaha. All whilst listening to, the golden globe winning, theme song from The Greatest Showman, “This is me” by Keala Settle! #SheIsMySpiritAnimal #Life

The reason I’m writing you this is because, despite what I’m currently eating, I’ve began a goal focused weight loss journey this year. My two goals are to be 99 kilos or less and to do ONE SINGLE body pull up. Now why 99 or less? Excellent question, because the last time I weighed that much I was about 15-16 years old and I know this because I watched myself go over 100 kilos. LITERALLY!

See at this point in my life I not only hated myself but apparently a majority of my school seemed to as well, so I was bullied... A LOT! This caused, what I guess now the only correct term to use would be, an eating diorder. I was eating raw sugar. No not actual “RAW” sugar like unrefined. I mean white plain sugar straight from a cup “RAW” (sometimes the bag). I don’t remember the specific day or what I was wearing but I do remember eating lots and lots of sugar then standing on the scales, crying, eating and watching that pathetic little number hit 100. Nearly 10 years on and the closest I’ve been to that weight again was 111kg back in 2015. In 3 years I’ve gained another 30kgs, give or take a kilo, so I decided it was time to really... AND I MEAN REALLY change things!

Okay okay so that isn’t my exact point of this blog, of course you knew that. Well it just so happen I came across, ever so casually, an Instagram, or two, of some of the people I not only went to high school with, but who also bullied me quite a lot. The funny part of this is that I was always teased for being a overweight. “Fat”, “Fat Pig”, “Fat Slut”, “Whale”, to name a few. Yet these people, both guys I should add, are visibily larger than I am right now. Yet they used to make me feel like I was so huge and that i was disgusting and appalling.

Now I came across, not to long ago, some pictures of myself back when I was around 16 years old (I’ll include them at the bottom) I was around 100-105 kilos and roughly a size 16, occasionally a 14 - Australian sizing by the way. When I saw these pictures I immediately remembered how I felt, which was fat, ugly, disgusting, unloved and unwanted. I would look at all the pretty girls at school, some who I surpringly became friends with. They were always skinny, pretty, cool and of course popular. THOSE girls who EVERYONE knew and loved. Compared to them I looked disgusting. Well that’s how I felt anyway. #DuffLife

The strange thing, is that I just couldn’t love myself then, but I love myself now and this is where we get to the real point of the blog. Self love is SOOOOO important in life and it definitely does not come from being skinny, having perky boobs or abs, wearing makeup or expensive clothing. It doesn’t even come from being “confident” because confidences is the outcome of self love. Self love comes from knowing who you are, knowing that you are far from perfect but you always strive to be better, it comes from accepting all your flaws and embracing your differences.

Now before you think that I’m trying to say, when you love yourself you don’t want to change. “Aimee if you want to lose the weight then you clearly don’t love yourself”

I’ll stop you right there. Let me just leave you with this...

When I was a teenager, I didn’t love myself and I didn’t think anyone loved me either or that I deserved to be loved. Therefore I did not take care of myself but I’ve grown, I’ve matured and I’ve had my eyes opened to see that I am loved, I am worthy of love and I have even grown to love myself in this process. I’m not saying it’s easy, Hell i still fuck up and I will definitely make mistakes, binge on junk food and be lazy.

We all go through it... but it is because I have self love, the love of others and the support system I need, that I started to change things about my life. I cleansed my mind and soul through therapy and throwing old things I had no need for, I cleansed my physical world of toxic people, those who do not care or have agendas and now it’s time to cleanse my physical being, by treating my vessel with more love and kindness as I try to do to others.

Just remember... you are worthy of the beauty life beholds, just make sure you open your eyes and your heart to it!

My love
Aimee Lee

Ps: it took my like two weeks to post hahaha

So i know its been a while... okay 3 months to be exact, but this is a journey and this year has been crazy! I thought i would update you all on whats been happening so far. Starting the blog by telling you, as always, where i am right now haha

I am sitting in an upstairs class room of my university, I'm the last to leave AS ALWAYS and I'm choosing to sit down and write to you, my readers. Although class was not meant to finish until 4:30, I've been alone here for almost an hour. Here i am telling you how boring my current situation is and I'm sure you are thinking "This is not what i came here to read Aimee, get on with it". Well you are in luck... read on my friend read on!

For those who don't know, i have been sick for *Gets calculator out*... 306 days or 10 months and 2 weeks, there about. It has been HELL. It started 2 weeks before Christmas last year and i have still not recovered. I have had cold and flu after cold and flu, i got food poisoning and nearly died (Lesson learned, do NOT consume orange juice even an hour past its due by) and because of everything I've had this past year I'm also stuck with sinusitis (Google it).

So safe to say, its been exhausting, it is exhausting. But i wanted to take some time to explain why i have been a little behind on the blog front. Reason being is that this is my first year of uni and its only fair to say that my dumb ass is still adjusting to uni life and the work load. I have kept face on Facebook. Pun intended. I've also been editing videos like a made woman to start uploading to my YouTube channel which you guys will find a link to soon, on my contacts page.

I have exams coming up in a couple of months and then ill be on a 3 month break and you wont be able to shut me up! I have way to many adventures planned already.

I just thought you guys could use a little update, so please comment anything you may want to hear about or anything you would like me to talk about in my next blog.
Which i PROMISE, you wont wait three months for!

Until then, Stay beautiful as always!
Aimee Lee xoxo

Everything must go... it's always a good thing when it comes to our favourite store right? You see that sign and instantly get happy because you know that pair of shoes you wanted, but could never afford, are going to be some crazy discounted price, like 80% off!

So why is it such a daunting notion when it comes to our own lives?

Last week I was scrolling through Facebook and came across a video about minimalism. For those who don't know or can't guess by the name, minimalism is living with only the essentials, some people take this to the max and only live out of a bag, this extent allows them to travel at the drop of a hat!

Other people take a less drastic approach, some simply living with a designated amount of clothes, minimal "privileged" products such as make up and beauty items or extravegent accessories etc.

Although, some people do it to simply clear their life of inessential negativity that has become attached to the things that they have but no don't need, things that are of no actual use to their life.
I took upon this approach while still honouring the true minimalist notion of minimising things for freedom.

I took to my room, which was an absolute disaster and yet another reason I was doing this. I'm usually so anxious and stressed about where to start when I clean things out, I look and think "Oh god where to start?" Haha! But today I just got stuck in and kept it going. I started by throwing any initial rubbish out, so anything that was actually meant to go into a bin (my room was not that bad but there was a fair bit of recyclable rubbish). Next I took to the things that I KNOW I hoard and needed to clear out.

I had a suitcase full of random bits that I haven't touched since moving to WA (aside from when I moved and reorganised the random stuff). I opened up to reveal my over 10 year long magazine collection, a giant pile of Dolly and Girlfriend magazines that date back, from what I could tell, to at least 2004.

The one thing I had to remember is the big rule of "Does this serve any purpose to my life or will it be of use in the near future" my answer of course was NO!

The video had a tip, basically you use the 90 day rule! Did I use it in the last 90 days? Or will I use it in the next 90 days?

Now I'm quite self aware of why I collect things and do what I do. It's essentially a safety blanket for me. Being surrounded by things I love because I was never really surrounded by people I love, that would have given me that same kind of feeling. I know it sounds a little strange but I'm sure someone can resonate with that!

So aside from keeping the posters from the magazines (some of them) I through them in the bag and that was it. Next was the bits and pieces of stuff I had that I didn't need! Right into the bag it all went!

I kept going through the day and ended up with almost 4 rubbish bags full of junk, not like shopping bag size, I'm talking about large size kitchen bin full haha. This included some clothing, old makeup, magazines, papers, cards and over 600 public transport tickets collected of 3 years. I also had a lot of Nic Nac things and a bunch of rubbish to get rid of and one thing that didn't fit in the bags, which was a painting I no longer wanted to keep.

I also took the initiative to buy some storage fabric boxes for my wardrobe to put the little extra bits that I do need (or couldn't throw) surprinslgy I only have maybe 1 full bag left of stuff that I need to organise somewhere and the rest all fit into my wardrobe.

All my clothes, my extra things like makeup and jewellery and yes even my shoes, all fit into my wardrobe (it's not a walk in by the way haha). Now that 80% of my floor is completely empty, aside from my bed and a few other things, I can put a blanket down, light up some candles and take some time for myself to meditate or just be present and relax.

The incredibly freeing feeling that comes from filtering through your belongings and throwing out things that are of no use to you and things with a negative feeling attached, it's just indescribable.

If you find yourself surrounded by things you think are sentimental and things you think you need, ask yourself... what purpose does it have? What does it offer me and my life?

See how far you can take minimalism and let me know how you go! 💗

Peace and love
Aimee lee x

Hey there. I'm sure if you are reading this, then chances are, you are at least a little bit like me and you don't like the labels society puts on people now days.

Let me tell you the labels i like: 50% of my favorite makeup label, $20 jumper reduced to $8 label, my favorite chocolate having an "All new low prices" label.\

Let me tell you the labels i DON'T like: Gay, Lesbian, Bi.

Now don't get my words twisted please! If you are a man who knows 100% they are completely gay and they only like men... Then great. Same for women.
That means you know who you are and who you like.
What i don't like about labels is the pressure behind them from society.

Ive been doing a lot of soul searching the past few months, probably more than i ever have these past 10 years, before i essentially "Came out" as pansexual. When trying to define how i felt about my sexuality i came across the "Label" Pansexual which in layman's terms means "GENDER BLIND" similar but not the same as bi sexual.

At first i thought to myself that it was totally great and that i had the freedom to choose who i liked whenever i liked someone. So if i liked women at the time, then i liked women (But i wasn't LESBIAN) and if i liked guys then i simply liked guys (But i wasn't STRAIGHT).

I know in my heart that i like women, if I'm being honest here I've probably known this since i was about 13 (If you've read my other blogs you may have read this already). I struggled from that young age trying to figure out if i was lesbian or straight or bi sexual, as that's all id ever known. If you like women you are Lesbian, if you like men you are straight and if you like both you are Bi sexual.

But if i were to come out and say it... if i were to say "I am lesbian", I'm not afraid of what people will think of me personally, what i am afraid of is the judgement and the whispers that will come if the time comes that i ever want to be with a man.
"Oh but you're a lesbian, you cant like men?"
"You cant just pick and choose if you're lesbian or straight... Pick one"
"How can you be a "LESBIAN" and still like men"
"Lesbians don't find men attractive"

I have been discussing this particular issue with women who are lesbian, bi sexual, Pansexual etc and they have all said that there is a difference between finding someone physically attractive and appealing to the eye, and wanting an intimate sexual relationship with someone.

For example, you may be a vegetarian and see some really yummy beef lasagne, but it doesn't mean you will eat meat just because it looks good haha. This didn't entirely clear up my dilemma and that's totally fine, as someone once said to me "You'll never know unless you try" and i take that into great consideration in my journey.

I think that we all have freedom and to have it means having the freedom to choose your own label, or for the need of one at all.

So, by now some of you are probably asking yourself "Is she lesbian or what is she?" and all i will say to that is... If you have to ask yourself that kind of question then you did not grasp the concept of this blog post.

#IDontNeedALabel

Aimee xoxo

I know I've been M.I.A. for a while now. I've been doing my best to focus on myself for a little bit but the next chapter of my life is about to begin and so you can expect much more posts because... Tomorrow I begin my bachelor of media and communications. I start my first official day as a legitimately university student!

I have to admit it's nerve racking, I've been looking back over the past 2 years of my life and assessing everything. Two years ago I was depressed, miserable, lost, feeling like a complete failure and fresh out of yet another job. Every time I would lose a job or leave one, I felt like part of me kept giving up on life because all I kept hearing from myself and others was "what are you going to do now?", "You won't have any money" and "better start looking for another job then". My life consisted of dead end jobs and unsuccessful job interviews and this never ending process had inevitably left me feeling emotionally, mentally and physically drained. I felt so low and thought so little of myself that I just caved and settled for a job I hated. I bared with the endless criticism I was given in the job of how poorly I performed (at no fault of my own may I add) and stuck at it for an entire year, until the boss decided to cut me lose due to low performance rates. Safe to say when I got the call I cried, but it was not in sadness of loosing another job or failing yet again, it was because I was so overwhelmingly relieved that yet another horrible and depressing part of my life had decided to collapse in on itself. See an incredible wise person once told me that if I'm not liking my life, I should look at the things that make me sad and make a change on them, so I had decided to take some time out throughout the past couple of years to focus on my, then, rapidly declining mental health. So I was not working and I eventually also moved from where I was living and away from the extra stress that situation had been causing me!

After a while my councillor felt confident enough in me to suggest I start to add things back into my life because at the time my life consisted of very basic activities because I had no work, no study and minimal stress. She suggested looking into studying, to go to uni, so I said I would look into it but it was another months before I even thought about it for real. My best friend and current housemate gave me a few booklets and information on uni and how to get in. I found that taking a uni prep course would be best as it would ease me back into studying and introduce uni life to me, it also happen to be the most successful option for me to chose from to be able to secure a place into any course I decided to do. After self doubting myself for the entire 6 months, literally balling in my maths exam because I didn't know how to find the X and Y gradients and subtract one area from another to find the value of X area, I then told myself "well maybe wait 6 months and go back for the second semester course again". I got my results back and passed everything, I mean I only passed maths by 0.9% which means ultimately I JUST passed! But I did it!

I already had an idea of what I wanted to study, I just had to make sure I chose the right course for me, so I contacted the uni for some advice and ultimately found that "Bachelor in media and communications" with a major in journalism, was what I wanted to do. I'll also be taking a few photography units as well.

Its a huge deal for me as growing up in an area where... well let's just say uni is not exactly expected or encouraged to much... and of course thinking I'd never be able to afford it (THANK GOD FOR STUDENT LOANS HAHA) I feel like this is a huge achievement for me. I'm hoping to possibly do an exchange program in the second to last or last year of study as well, which I feel would be such an amazing experience!

For anyone considering uni studies I promise it is an experience to enjoy and grow from. If you need any advice of help feel free to ask me or contact your nearest uni, or a friend!

I can't wait for the next few years of my life, the things I will learn and do. It's all so exciting!

Stay amazing! Stay beautiful!

xoxo Aimee

I know it sounds totally clichè, but my New Years resolution for 2016 was to just to do better.
SELF IMPROVEMENT is where it's at and will be my New Years resolution for 2017 as well. My aim is to do everything I can do improve myself in all ways, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

This year I started studying again and I pushed my limits, I spent most of 2015 cleaning up the mess that was my life, 2016 I spent rebuilding my life piece by piece, adding to it bit by bit, slowly and one step at a time. But now 2017 is my time to take a look at what I've accomplished and then make it 100 X's better!

​This year I have laughed with joy and cried with grief, I've made new friends and lost old ones, I have worried and stressed even when I shouldn't have. I surprised myself in many ways... being smarter, stronger and happier than I've ever found myself to be before. The thing I like about the new year is that it's an opportunity to start a fresh, I know you can do that anyway, but this is a specific day dedicated to new beginnings and that's the beauty in it!

Its passed midnight where I am, but whoever you are, it may not be that time yet. So take advantage of the last couple of hours and look back at the good and the bad in the hopes it will remind you how truly blessed you are and maybe you'll look forward to 2017 more than you enjoyed 2016!

​HAPPY NEW YEAR from myself!
I want to take this moment to truly thank you for all the support you have shown me this year! I can't thank you all enough ❤

Firstly let me say that I'm sorry I have not been active the past 2 months. I had study for my first set of uni exams (I PASSED BY THE WAY WOOHOO!) and I also recently flew over to Melbourne for my Pa's (GrandFather) funeral, which is I guess how this blog came about. I should have posted this a week ago, but as always it didn't feel like something I wanted to say, it felt more like me saying something for the sake of getting something posted for you all to read! I'm glad I didn't post because what I have to say now is by far more poignant than I ever thought it could be before hand!

I'm currently sitting on a plane flying home to Perth from Melbourne as I write this, The fact that I felt overwhelmingly happy the moment the plane took of just shows me that my life is most definitely on the right track. After spending a week in Melbourne surrounded by the people who are meant to be my family, I now realise just how far I have come and also how much further I have to go. Before this trip I was honestly home sick and despite the fact I will still miss a few people, I can sincerely say that Perth is very much my home and the incredible people I surround myself with are the people I call my family!

You can not allow someone else's negative thoughts or actions, or expectations for you, to define your life. I've learnt over the years that just because someone calls you a name or says "you'll never..." does NOT make it true or real. If you want to do something with your life then don't wait until tomorrow to make a change... Start today!

A man who I love dearly and who inspires me greatly once told me some of the most truthful words I've ever heard and I have carried them with me through the past few years.

"... it's hard I've been in your position hating every day and wanting it to be over as soon as it starts but honestly you have to just make some drastic changes. Sometimes we just need a different scene a different us nobodies perfect but if you're not liking life now think of the things that make you unhappy and make a change on them today which is exactly what I did. We all need that detox in life finding a new us."


I do my best to remember these especially in the hard times. It was in those times that I wanted to give up and go home that these words reminded me, that if I wanted to make a change in my life I couldn't give up and I couldn't keep looking back but instead I had to look ahead and work hard, eventually I decided to stop looking back altogether. I had moved 3,400 kilometres away from everything I had ever known purely because it no longer made me happy, it no longer felt like home! As soon as I stopped doubting myself and my choices and as soon as I started looking ahead to the future, I began finding myself.

It's taken a long time and lessons learnt but I'm getting there. I'm in a good place and surrounded by amazing people, I feel like I'm right where I'm meant to be. It took going back to what I used to know, one last time, for me to really be able to see just how far I've come these past few years. In fact for the first time in a very long time I'm truly excited for what the future holds, university, love, friends, careers, everything!

I want anyone reading this to know that
YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Do not ever allow yourself to be made to feel as though you are worthless and unworthy of greatness.
I love you all so much and if you take nothing else from my writing, take that!

Why am I writing a blog at 2am?

Well I don't know but something hit me at some point in my restless sleep. Friendship was the word that kept popping into my head!

I consider myself blessed that I have such an amazing and beautiful group of friends who I truly love and care about and I know they love and care about me. But this is the first time in my life that I've had an actual real support network and actual friends that weren't "school" friends or those friends you only talk to just to remain in contact. These people in my life actually talk to me and visit me and we hang out all the time! Friendship is by far the one thing I struggle most with though because I have a tendency to try to hard and hold on to long. I was once told an important lesson that I now take with me in life and I want to share with you, that is people will come into your life all the time and some will leave, some will stay.

​Just like you can't make someone love you, you can't make someone want to be your friend or stay your friend if they, in their own mind, don't want to stay.

The past few years I have lost a handful of incredible beautiful people from my life, I have absolutely no idea as to why because in each friendship there was never any really specific moments that I could pinpoint to where I made a mistake to make them want to not be my friend. I had a friend who I spoke to daily and extensively, we had a deep connection and I considered her more a sister than a friend but one day she said she needed a "break" from social contact to focus on herself and after that I never heard from her (except 1 time I tried calling and she happened to pick up and we said our hellos and that's it). Another friend I lost due to the fact we fell out of contact, it was neither of our faults we just happened to be leading very different lives in very different places and although I miss her dearly I still wish I knew how to truely fix that friendship. Yet another example is a friend who I truly considered one of the greatest friends I had ever had but unfortunately this person at some stage decided that I was no longer "worthy" to be in their life and felt the need to create excuses or scenarios that ultimately pushed me right out of their lives.

More recently I have lost more people due to many other reasons but I want to explain something to you. These people came into my life, we laughed, we explored, we created memories together and each of them taught me a lesson. If not to be more honest or to be kinder or to simply not be so protective of my self, it was at the very least that not everyone will stay. Thats the sad reality is that the people you have around you right now, chances that you will be friends with the same people in 10 years are very slim! They say the people you meet are either a "lesson or a blessing" and I think that isn't completely accurate, I think anyone that teaches you a lesson was in fact a blessing and anyone who is a blessing to your life will always teach you something.

But you have to understand that holding onto someone who is only walking away will tear you apart from the inside out... If you have ever held shopping bags full of groceries and had to walk home, at first you think to yourself "I can totally do this, it isn't that bad" and after a couple minutes you start feeling the pain and you think "my hands are starting to hurt a little but it will be worth it when I get home" and after 5 or 10 minutes you get so exaushsted and your hands are so sore that you give up, put the bags on the ground or the bench and think "oh my god why did I keep going why did I hold them the whole time? My hands are so red and I'm so tired" it's the same with people, you try hold on. After a week or two you think "ok things will get better now, we will go back to where we were" and after a month of two you think "I really miss them but I'm sure it will go back to how it was soon it can't be to much longer" and then after several months maybe a year you eventually say "I guess they are gone for real, what did I do wrong? What could I have done to make them stay?" And you end up feeling miserable because you still miss them even though something inside of you is relieved that you have finally given up and that part of you is also wondering what took so long!

It hurts, you sometimes feel like you've lost a piece of yourself but one thing I have learnt more so this year than ever before... If you let go of the things that make you miserable it leaves you more room for the things that make you happy. I did and now I have a group of the most beautiful, genuinely amazing people to call not only my friend but my family.
​I love them and I couldn't ask for better friends!