My Blog
An insight into my everyday crazy life!
My blog
We are our own worst enemy! No single voice will cut our souls deeper than our own, we bring ourselves down more than anyone else does. I felt obligated to write this for my own sanity because in some way telling myself "I CAN" doesn't cut it as an adult. Writing it down does though. I'm sitting here in my room and I should probably be going to bed right now because I have uni in the morning, but that's half the problem! I am working on my assignment and even though I should be working on it, I just ended up pushing myself into the mindset that I'm to stupid for this and I'm really not "Uni" material. Maybe I'm not... But that won't stop me! Im continually telling myself that I "CANT" do it, as much as I would like to believe in myself more and know that I can, everything points to a different outcome. I'm 23, unemployed and haven't had a job longer than about 12 months, I dropped out and didn't complete high school and I haven't really been in any school environment for about 5 years. Most of my family haven't really done much with their life thus far, except have children and had a never ending spin of short lived careers, Some didn't finish schooling either. So I'm constantly telling myself I'm destined to be like that. THATS NOT WHAT I WANT!!! I moved to WA, determined to do better and be better and have better, simply better! I specifically promised myself I wouldn't go backwards only forwards and I really have stuck to that so far. I tell myself I won't end up like the expectations of me, I keep telling myself these things but sometimes they just don't cut it. I also have to remind myself of all the amazing things I have accomplished in my life so far, I've travelled, I've met so many amazing people, heard incredible stories, I have conquered fears (no not my bird fear haha) I have grown as a person and above all else I left everything I knew, everyone I knew including the person I thought I was, behind in Melbourne and started completely fresh here in Perth with a clean slate! To be able to pick up my stuff and walk away from one life and start a new one is damn amazing in itself and if I can do that with ease then what's stopping me from doing this? I get it, it's hard sometimes but I try and remind myself "Anything that comes easy is not worth having and Something worth having won't come easy!" So I will always continue to push through because despite where I may end up in life, as long as I try my hardest... Well like mum used to say "no one can ask anymore of you" Stay strong xoxo "As long as you try your hardest, no one can ask anymore of you!"
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I'm back!!!! Today I just want to share a few things with you, this past few weeks have been tough for me, to say the least! I starter university (EXCITING), I experienced heartache and sadness to an extent I haven't felt in quite some time, I have formed stronger friendships with people who I was not as close to before hand, I have also made new friends. I have started planning my holiday at the end of the year to go see my beautiful cousins who I haven't seen in over 4 years, I have had to "ADULT" a lot lately haha! I have resumed my soul searching in the sense of figuring out exactly what path I will be taking next year at university, as I am surely going to continue to do within myself for some time! I have also asked countless questions and found myself dumb founded at my ability to comprehend some peoples behaviours, even though learning to have tolerance for those who don't seem to possess any may be difficult, I am trying! But as I sit here in the university computer lab at ECU and the sun climbs higher into the sky as the day slowly passes by, let me tell you what I'm doing and why on earth you would actually care... (I just uploaded my latest interview) I have music playing on PANDORA and I'm just thinking about life in general, I randomly smiled a little as I stared out of the window and the more I thought about why I was smiling the more I smiled. You're probably asking right why am I smiling? Because at this very moment I am unbelievably happy! It's these increasingly occurring moments when even for a few minutes I am whole heartedly happy, that remind me that I have purpose and I have reason for life. Because as you may or may not know, for a very long time I felt like I had none, but something inside of me stubbornly pushed through continually hoping for a day like this! Waiting for a moment where I'd be so happy with life that I would cry a few tears of joy because I was just that happy and being an emotional sort of person that's generally what happens with me! You know those cliché moments in movies where the main character, after struggles throughout the movie, somehow escape their demons and are driving into the sunset looking free and happy? Yeah it feels something like that I guess haha Something about horizon picturesque scenes that make me feel so good, sunsets, sunrises, city skylines, always provide feel good moments. Random thought, I wonder where I will be in 5 years time, will I have the same friends? Will I still be studying? Will I be travelling? Will I have someone special, maybe a kid/s? Well... Maybe, Maybe not, who knows? But the fact I can now ask myself these questions and ask myself "What If?" and instead of seeing nothing, I see endless possibilities... Well THAT makes me smile, THAT makes me happy! Stay beautiful, stay strong and don't be afraid to break and fall sometime because... sometimes falling is the best thing, then you have nowhere but up! |
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October 2017
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