Dear Depression...

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but let's face it nobody wants you here, why don't you just leave. I hate you, you make me miserable, you're annoying and way too much to handle, like all the time!

OKAY... I can't exactly blame you for everything, you're only the reaction to somebody’s actions. You're a symptom caused from someone else's mistakes, sometimes my mistakes! I'm sorry. Can I even say that? You're not a person, you're not even alive. I guess in a way you are alive, you live inside my soul and eat away at it leaving darkness and despair... OH MY GOD DON'T YOU EVEN CARE?

Can't you tell how confused and upset I am? Can you not see the pain you cause me? Why must you do this to me? Why do I ask so many questions? I should stop, I feel bad for blaming you. I really should be thanking you, you're confused aren't you? Let me explain myself and perhaps you'll understand what I mean.

See you have taught me a lot over these years. Most importantly you have taught me that there is no light without darkness and everything that goes up must come down. But you showed me that when you hit rock bottom there's only one way left to go, I would never have appreciated all the wonderful things I have in my life now had I not been in such a dark state once before. I certainly wouldn’t be as strong as I am now if it was not for being beaten, tired and weak because of you. You forced my hand, you forced me to fight to find light. You made me more determined and motivated to do and be better.

I should also thank you for clearing my life of those who were not worthy of my time. People who could not stick around while I was down, only to come crawling back when I’m finally back on top. I certainly don’t need people dragging me down like that. I certainly didn't need those people who were so scared of the dark they feared to walk with me but instead walked above in the light waiting for me to emerge on the other side only to say "hey I'm always here" or "I'm glad you made it" and want to walk with me once more. No thank you.

It's strange how time changes things, once you were my best... my only friend. From their, as I grew, we grew... apart. You became that "friend" who messages you every second week to touch base. As I began to see the light again, without you around, you became that friend who just... you know... never came around.

Suddenly before I knew it you were the person I once knew as friend and now just know, that I occasionally see on the rare occasion you're visiting my town, or perhaps I visit yours and we nod briefly, perhaps say hello and make light chit chat before we part ways again and I come back to my life now.

But despite the fact I hate you and I never want to see you again and despite the fact I know I will always bump into you some how, someway. I should really thank you.

Thank you for making me who I am today. Thank you for giving me the strength I have to see tomorrow!

Fairwell, see you soon!
Aimee

Dear friends,

Thank you for being my family, my home and my life support!
I am a better person because I have YOU in my life, you make me wiser, stronger, braver, smarter, better and above all else thank you for making me feel loved.

Dear friends I lost, I will never give up looking.

​Dear the friends who stopped caring, I'm sorry we couldn't see a way to making things better.

Dear the friends who walked away, I still think about you and I hope to see you again one day.

Dear friends that pushed me away, I don't understand because I never did anything wrong but you act like I have.

Dear new friends, HI and thank you for being so cool I can't wait to get to know you!

Dear old friends, I love you so much I truly can not say and I'm so grateful to have you in my life.

Dear school friends, you realise you were the only thing that got me through to those days?

Dear family friends, I miss you and I love you, you will always be the most important people in my life ALWAYS!

Dear best friends, I love you all so much and you know who you are, I would not be where I am now, not without you and I would not have been going anywhere without your support so just know that you mean the world to me.

Dear the friends I don't get to see or speak to as often as I'd like, just know how much I care about you and that I won't ever forget you.

Lastly, Dear friends...
To those who have come and gone and the amazing ones who stay, you can't understand how much I truly love you all and how beautiful I think you all are. I only ever want the best for you and for you all to be happy!
I can't thank you all enough for all your Help, Love and Support through everything. You make me a better person and you make me happy. Thank you so much for not only allowing me to be apart of your lives but for being as much apart of my life as I am yours! 💕

Love always,
Aimee xoxo

Dear dad,
I don't think you understand how many times I cried to myself while I blasted "perfect" by simple plan. Because there came a day where the song went from meaningless to describing everything
I couldn't say!

"Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
And do you think I'm wasting my time
doing things I wanna do?
But it hurts when you disapprove all along"

It's almost midnight and here I am, crying while I write this letter that you'll never read, why?

Simple... You just don't care!

The crazy thing is the more you pushed the harder I tried to keep you here, but i was just never strong enough was I? I was never enough for you to want to stick around and I honestly don't know who I disappointed more, you or me!

"And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
Can't pretend that I'm alright
And you can't change me"

I honestly did everything I could think of to make you see how much I truly loved you and how badly I wanted you to love me to. I watched your stupid shows and tried to enjoy the movies you liked even though I hated most of them, I asked you about the stupid boats you had and how many fish you caught, I asked you what it took to get your boat license, I told you I wanted to go diving with you, I listened to all your favourite singers and bands, I only ever played the music you liked. I tried to learn all about computers and the software so I could do things on them just like you. I told people "I love my dad because we get along so well!" I said "my dad is great because we always have fun together" but that didn't last did it?

"Cause we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect"

I lost count of how many times I would sit on mums bed crying to her asking her why you only ever asked the boys to go fishing, or asked them to go for drives, or play fought with them, or watched movies and stuff with them.
I forget how many times she had told me "I've told him he will lose you if he keeps pushing you away" I tried to forget about how hurt I felt, I kept trying and trying. I kept telling myself that it won't happen... "I won't give up!"
No matter how many screaming arguments we had, no matter how many times you threatened to kick me out or the amount of times you even turned the power off because I wouldn't go to sleep when you said... I always said "just keep trying, don't give up"
I'm sorry. But you hurt me to much and cared so little...
I had to give up!

"I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just wanna make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright"

I even moved across the country to another state. You didn't say goodbye, you didn't offer to drive me to the airport... No one did! I had to bus it... I TOOK A BUS TO THE AIRPORT WITH 2 SUITCASES AND A CARRY BAG TO MOVE ACROSS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE COUNTRY

AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE CARED LESS!!!!!!!
ARE YOU SERIOUS? IM YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!!!

I heard from you, all of maybe a dozen times for the entire first year and a half I was even over here and then maybe 3 times in the 2nd year to the point where I had been hurt so bad and let down so hard, that I couldn't do it anymore. You know what the worse thing is? I spent my 22nd birthday sitting in the middle of a dim lit city crying my eyes out because I had finally had enough... I was sick of trying and not getting anything from you, you didn't try at all! You never called and then when I got a call saying that for me to ignore you was unfair... Well, I just couldn't do it anymore! I hung up and you called back, you kept calling to, but again you didn't listen when I told you to stop! I didn't want to talk to you!

"Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand"

After a whole year of not speaking to you, has passed.
I finally feel at peace enough within myself to move on, because I never planned on being like other people in the family. Believe me I wouldn't call what I have done a "grudge" because believe it or not I missed you every god damn day! It took more strength not to call you and talk to you than it did to try with you! But yet again... I tried one last time I TRIED and I get absolutely nothing!

But that's ok... Because I remembered that song daddy.
I remember that we lost it all, I remember that nothing lasts forever and I want to say I'm sorry I can't be perfect!
But it's just to late and you know we can't go back.

I'm sorry... I can't be perfect!

Mummys little girl! Xo

Hey beautiful... Yes you, reading this right now!

When you're finished reading this letter I want you to do 2 things for me, 1st I want you to go to a mirror and look at yourself, REALLY look and I want you to say the first thing you think of ANYTHING that comes to mind, say it to yourself.
Now 2nd I want you to stop putting yourself down and I want you to reverse what you just said, if you said "I hate my eyes" tell yourself "I love my eyes" or if you called yourself "Fat" I want you to say "I am beautiful the way I am" reverse whatever it was you just said okay? Got it?

Now, I want you to come up with 5 things about yourself you like. It can be about the thing you picked out or it can be 5 completely separate things. I want you to tell yourself, look yourself in the eyes and tell yourself in the mirror out loud and if you have to say it 2 or 3 times even more. I don't care if you laugh because you feel silly, if you laugh then you smile and if you smile you might just believe what you are saying is true and you should, Because it is!

I know how hard it is to feel beautiful, believe me I do. But you are exactly where you are meant to be in your life, you look how you should and you are the way you are because EVERYHING had a reason and nothing in this world is perfect. I know you may want to be skinner, perhaps thinner legs, flatter tummy, straighter nose, longer hair, bigger eyes, fuller lips, larger breast or bigger butt. But if we change one thing we have to change it all, because no matter how much we try change what we look like we cant change our mind and we will only continue to want to change things until we are unrecognisable!

You should never EVER allow someone to make you feel worthless, ugly or insignificant... Because you are NOT!

The wisest words I've ever heard!
Coming from the amazing and beautiful soul that is Taylor swift...
"We all come from different places, maybe we all have different accents, we have different hobbies and different backgrounds... No two people are the same. Its difficult to feel ok about yourself, every single day we go online and we scroll through the highlight reel of other peoples awesome lives. But we don't see the highlight reel of our awesome lives, all we see is the behind the scenes of our lives, we see every single moment from when we wake up and we're like "oh god not feeling my hair today, it's not gunna be a good day today for the hair", we see our doubts, our fears and our concerns. You're the only one inside your own brains feeling our own anxieties and voices that are telling you, you cant be who you wanna be or you're not who you wanna be or you wanna be like that person over there. Let me tell you, people are mean to each other but no voices are as mean as our own voices are to ourselves. Everyday when you look in the mirror and your mind is telling yourself all the things you are NOT, like you are "You're not cool enough" "You're not pretty enough" "You're not popular enough" "You're not successful enough" "You're not special" " You're not wanted" "You're not unique" those are NOT the things you are NOT!!!! Let me tell you the things you are not... You are NOT somebody else's opinion of you that's what you're not, you are NOT going nowhere just because you are not where you want to be YET! You are NOT damaged goods because you have made mistakes in your life. Those are the things you are NOT!

Now let me tell you what you ARE... You ARE your own definition of beautiful and worthwhile and no one else's definition, you ARE wiser, stronger and smarter because you made mistakes in your life not damaged and lastly you ARE someone who is standing there going through your own battles, fighting your own ghosts, trying to cover your own scars, stressing about your own stresses, But instead of wallowing in them you got up... I've realised Its not about being perfect or feeling perfect, its just about getting on with things and after a while you look around and realise you're happy TODAY and that's all that matters! I want you to know one thing i have learnt and I'm still learning is that if you get rained on, you walk through a bunch of storms and life is constantly coming at you, it doesn't make you damaged it makes you clean!"

DO NOT GIVE UP, YOU ARE A FIGHTER AND YOU ARE STRONG AND BEAUTIFUL... Don't EVER forget that!

Love, the girl that's staring back at you xoxo