My Blog
An insight into my everyday crazy life!
My blog
For years I have suffered with depression and anxiety, the mental illness stigma is very real and it really comes down to education, many people just don't know.
Last year was by far the worst in regards to my mental health. I was having anxiety attacks at work to the point I had to go home and for someone who despises crying in front of people I sure broke down in front of a lot of people but I also hid it away from the people I cared about most, my friends. Nobody thinks of starting a friendship off like "hey my name is Aimee and I suffer from depression and anxiety, some days I'll want to crawl into bed and die, other days I'll be super happy good luck with that and nice to meet you!" So I just didn't tell them but I also couldn't hide it forever. About a year ago I started seeing a counsellor, when I started my levels were that of someone in severe distress, not only was a suicidal but I was making it far worse by trying to brave it in front of the people who mattered most to me. I did my best to open up about what I was going through and thankfully for the most power they were very understanding! As the months progressed I learnt techniques to handle stress and I worked on ways to control my emotion, all the while I was also working on the issues I had! I began learning more about who I really was and in doing so I started finding purpose in life, I was slowly rebuilding my life in every aspect. See I was working in a dead end job that I hated, I felt like a failure, I had a few friends and didn't know many people at all, I was distant in life and I was not happy at all. Then all of a sudden things took a turn for the worse in January which turned out to be the best thing to happen to me. I lost my job and my friendship with the person I was living with fell to pieces, you'd think that sounds terrible right? But to be honest it made me happy in a way because everything that was making me miserable, causing me pain and or stressing me out all started to fall apart. In February of this year I moved in with my best friend and EVERYTHING changed!!! I started enjoying life because I was living it the way I WANTED, I didn't have people telling me what to do, I didn't have a job to worry about, I didn't feel constant guilt for wanting things for myself and I didn't fear being myself anymore, I had people who really loved and cared about me and they were so supportive. With the things I had been learning in my sessions and my new found purpose I started falling in love with life. I started busking, because I love singing, I started visiting places I hadn't been and experiencing new and fun things. My days were easy and stressless because I had no responsibilities to worry about, my day basically consisted of going to the city, seeing my friends and going home, that was really it!. This is were the rebuilding really began. I obviously couldn't remain in that state of mind otherwise next time something changed in my life i'd crumble, so slowly but surely I started adding things into my days, I busked regularly, I applied for some jobs and even did baby sitting in between, and with my best friend sandrinas help I applied for university in May. See I had always wanted to go to uni but I guess in my state of mind I never felt I was worthy or smart enough to go so I just put it off! Fast forward a few months and I've just started my uni prep course so I can get into journalism next year. Looking back, me 6-12 months ago would have just not bothered applying, I would have made an excuse up and forgotten about it or not bothered to look into how to apply etc. I have amazing friends who honestly support me in everything I do and that just makes me love life so much more knowing the people I'm surrounded, by accept me for everything I am, all my faults and imperfections to. I finally accept myself and know who I am (as much as I can at least) there is always room for improvement but I'm happy! I want you to remember that you are NEVER ALONE no matter what you will always have someone there for you! Stay beautiful xx
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October 2017
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