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My blog
Why am I writing a blog at 2am? Well I don't know but something hit me at some point in my restless sleep. Friendship was the word that kept popping into my head! I consider myself blessed that I have such an amazing and beautiful group of friends who I truly love and care about and I know they love and care about me. But this is the first time in my life that I've had an actual real support network and actual friends that weren't "school" friends or those friends you only talk to just to remain in contact. These people in my life actually talk to me and visit me and we hang out all the time! Friendship is by far the one thing I struggle most with though because I have a tendency to try to hard and hold on to long. I was once told an important lesson that I now take with me in life and I want to share with you, that is people will come into your life all the time and some will leave, some will stay. Just like you can't make someone love you, you can't make someone want to be your friend or stay your friend if they, in their own mind, don't want to stay. The past few years I have lost a handful of incredible beautiful people from my life, I have absolutely no idea as to why because in each friendship there was never any really specific moments that I could pinpoint to where I made a mistake to make them want to not be my friend. I had a friend who I spoke to daily and extensively, we had a deep connection and I considered her more a sister than a friend but one day she said she needed a "break" from social contact to focus on herself and after that I never heard from her (except 1 time I tried calling and she happened to pick up and we said our hellos and that's it). Another friend I lost due to the fact we fell out of contact, it was neither of our faults we just happened to be leading very different lives in very different places and although I miss her dearly I still wish I knew how to truely fix that friendship. Yet another example is a friend who I truly considered one of the greatest friends I had ever had but unfortunately this person at some stage decided that I was no longer "worthy" to be in their life and felt the need to create excuses or scenarios that ultimately pushed me right out of their lives. More recently I have lost more people due to many other reasons but I want to explain something to you. These people came into my life, we laughed, we explored, we created memories together and each of them taught me a lesson. If not to be more honest or to be kinder or to simply not be so protective of my self, it was at the very least that not everyone will stay. Thats the sad reality is that the people you have around you right now, chances that you will be friends with the same people in 10 years are very slim! They say the people you meet are either a "lesson or a blessing" and I think that isn't completely accurate, I think anyone that teaches you a lesson was in fact a blessing and anyone who is a blessing to your life will always teach you something. But you have to understand that holding onto someone who is only walking away will tear you apart from the inside out... If you have ever held shopping bags full of groceries and had to walk home, at first you think to yourself "I can totally do this, it isn't that bad" and after a couple minutes you start feeling the pain and you think "my hands are starting to hurt a little but it will be worth it when I get home" and after 5 or 10 minutes you get so exaushsted and your hands are so sore that you give up, put the bags on the ground or the bench and think "oh my god why did I keep going why did I hold them the whole time? My hands are so red and I'm so tired" it's the same with people, you try hold on. After a week or two you think "ok things will get better now, we will go back to where we were" and after a month of two you think "I really miss them but I'm sure it will go back to how it was soon it can't be to much longer" and then after several months maybe a year you eventually say "I guess they are gone for real, what did I do wrong? What could I have done to make them stay?" And you end up feeling miserable because you still miss them even though something inside of you is relieved that you have finally given up and that part of you is also wondering what took so long! It hurts, you sometimes feel like you've lost a piece of yourself but one thing I have learnt more so this year than ever before... If you let go of the things that make you miserable it leaves you more room for the things that make you happy. I did and now I have a group of the most beautiful, genuinely amazing people to call not only my friend but my family. I love them and I couldn't ask for better friends! CLICK THE PICTURE FOR A SPECIAL SURPRISE!!!!!
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October 2017
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